Leeuwenhoek had stolen and peeped into the fantastic sub-visible world of little things, creatures that had lived, had bred, had battled, had died, completely hidden from and unknown to all men from the beginning of time. Beasts these were of a kind that ravaged and annihilated whole races of men ten million times larger than they were themselves. Beings these were, more terrible than fire-spitting dragons or hydra-headed monsters. They were silent assassins that murdered babies in warm cradles and kings in sheltered places. It was this invisible, insignificant, but implacable-and sometimes friendly- world Leeuwenhoek had looked into for the first time of all men of all countries. ~Microbe Hunters

Sunday, 25 December 2011

Happy Birthday Amandaaaaa

(I promise to not get pregnant while celebrating the day you were born)
(Imma be too busy looking after the first of your 8!)
We made a Minion Cake (Minions are from the movie Despicable Me- her favorite movie). The poor minion looks a bit squished...but we had fun :p
Me love you long time Baker, and I hope we do many many more trips together after we both become Lab Technicians and can afford it:)


Darn good and sure of it,

adot

Its Christmas Time In The City...

Merry Christmas and Happu Holidays everyone!!  Welcome to my hick family's christmas...

Sunday, 18 December 2011

Happy Birthday Kell !!!!

Happy Birthday to my oldest friend in the world. You are so far away, I did not make you a card :p Sorry bro, but you get to be reminded of the beeest picture...


Darn good and sure of it,

adot

Saturday, 17 December 2011

The Infamous...

I know why people call it 'Tdot': because they are in such a rush, they forget the rest of the word. Sorta like me, a forgotten soul lost in the rush of the subway and train system. I think I left a part of me there, but I dont want it back. This is my journey to get my V8 my parents were to bring me.
V8 is such a city thing- people drink it because they are trapped in a concrete maze with no greenery around to grow real vegetables. That is now my way of life since I moved out of my parents’ house and right into university life.
I learned a term from this kid's really loud music on the train: A 'concrete jungle' as Rihanna calls it. She's got it right, the people are vicious, like the animals of a jungle, and building towering over top of you like giant trees and you must expect anything to happen to you at every single moment. Its surreal.
Okay, so I didn't actually hold a conversation with any of these Torontonians to know if they are as vicious as I am portraying them to be, but I really don't know how a conversation would work out. I speak English, the language of my country. Ideally, I would love to make some company on this trip, but the language barrier and the social embarrassment of a white girl starting a conversation with a Brown/Black/Asian/Latino person is too great for me to try to at least try. All I can do is speak through the universal language of a smile and hope I make it through peacefully. I hope, eventually, our government makes it mandatory for a word of English (other than the memorization of the creed and O Canada) to be spoken to become a citizen for the sake of native Canadians and those who have been here for generations upon generations. I'm all for sharing my wonderful country with those whose home lands are not as fortunate, but it is so much easier if we can share friendly word, and not just an over-crowded car then to depart on the same stop, never to see each other again.
I don't know if it is just because I don't live in the city, or I have never ventured to one alone before, but the people I am sharing this train with are not as welcoming as I. I get the feeling that some of them are taking advantage of many wonderful things Canada has to offer- like me. 'Taking advantage of' might actually be a poor term of phrase, as it often is termed as a sexual connotation. But I sit here, and I am a minority. A minority in my own country. I actually feel foreign and unwanted. I just want to go home. Home to the country I thought I knew of integration and peace and understanding.
I would definitely say I have been culturally exposed by university a lot, but nothing compares to being alone on the subway. This time I lack a 'partner in crime' to distract me from this fear, or to joke about it. I'm sure I will laugh about it after, but, right now, I would say Toronto sucks. I'm sorry, Canada, it really isn't part of you. It doesn't portray the Canada I grew up in and I'm now nostalgically disappointed. That's all.

Side note:
I love my BlackBerry, and I can probably type faster on it that I can on a computer (nooo I'm not 'one of those' who frantically types on their phone, I just really suck at typing fast on a computer). Anyways, point being, I wrote a lot a lot on my trip to Toronto, but unfortunately I have had some 'run-ins' with 'racism' lately, and I fear people who do not know me might think I am being cold-hearted and racist. Im not. If I make fun of EVERYONE of EVERY RACE, EVERY GENDER, EVERY HAIR COLOUR does that make me discriminatory?? Apparently sometimes I sound racist, and I refuse to watch what I say around my friends, but here, publically, it is a very different sorry.

Darn good and sure of it,

adot

Friday, 16 December 2011

Happy Birthday Mother Chevy Trucker !!

 (Cheers to finally blowing out nineteen candles)
(What else will you be blowing tonight?)

Happy Birthday to my fellow asian, and first University friend. Me love you long time :)

I made her a cake last night as she was at home, and coming back at about 10pm ish. I got back from my Toronto trip (which I will post my documentation at a later date) and I started baking the cake so it would be fridge-ready by the time she got back. Well she was a little early and I had to hurry and hide the cakes still in the pans on some chairs behind the counter island as she was walking up the stairs. She put some things away in the fridge which she had brought from home, and went upstairs to finish unpacking. She went into Ca.'s room where she said "I think adot and Ch. are making cookies and they didnt even offer me one". Ca knew I was making the cake as I had to borrow a fresh egg from her, so she responded with, 'Oh, sorta rude, eh?'

Ca. messaged me saying Sh. thought I was making cookies, and luckily, my mother had given me some ready-to-bake cookies, which I quickly threw in the oven to cover my cake story. Ca. and I had a good laugh over this as (a.) Ch. cant eat cookies no no need for her to make any, (b.) I would never eat anything without offering to share, and (c.) the house smelled of CAKE not SUGAR COOKIE yah dummy :p

Ohh my widdle blonde asian, I notice more and more every day how much I am going to miss you next year...


Darn good and sure of it,

adot

Wednesday, 14 December 2011

City girl meets small town life

The title says it all...I am confused. I am wondering why I am going to venture through the unfamiliar public transit system to meet my parents downtown Toronto. It is exam time and I should be studying, but my painfully stubborn mother never ever wants to wear glasses, so after 2 eye sugeries, she has decided to go through with this 'final one' that promises her correct vision for the rest of her life. Im sorry, but I'm a strong believer in 'when you lose one thing you gain another'. She is gaining this profound stubbornness as she is losing her eyesight, and, coincidently, her mind.

Someone needs a reality kick, and perhaps it is me for agreeing to go visit her at the hotel they are staying at as she has to go back the next day. Perhaps its me for agreeing to go to Toronto by myself right before I am actually able to open my gifts... I wanna at least know what I get for christmas before I get stolen from the underground tunnels beneith a city that is 9876543 times bigger than I am used to. I dont even know how to work a subway- at least I can only chose one of 2 directions for them. Im really bad with math, but I think the probability of me chosing the wrong direction is about 102% and probably 3 times in a row.

Updates will come...
Wish me luck...

Darn good and unsure of it,

adot

Monday, 12 December 2011

12 Days of Christmas

So this is the 3rd Day of Christmas...according to my calendar. I like to get my little sister excited about me coming home, so whenever it is christmas/summer/her birthday I like to post different songs on her facebook wall each day leading up to when I come home. Now for Christmas 2011...

I will share my present song choices:

Day 1- I Believe in Santa Claus -  Dolly Parton and Kenny Rogers
Day 2- Santa Looked A Lot Like Daddy -  Brad Paisley
Day 3- I Love it at Christmas -  Libby McGrath (new one, sounds a lot like her 'princess' hit single)
Day 4- 12 Redneck Days of Christmas -  Jeff Foxworthy
Day 5- Hard Candy Christmas -  Dolly Parton and Kenny Rogers
Day 6- Country Christmas -  Loretta Lynn
Day 7- My Mom and Santa Claus -  George Jones
Day 8- Santa's Gonna Come In A Pickup -  Alan Jackson and the Chipmunks
Day 9- World from Way Up Here -  Anabelle's Wish Soundtrack (best christmas movie EVER)
Day 10- Leroy the Redneck Reindeer -  Joe Diffie
Day 11- I Only Want You For Christmas -  Alan Jackson
Day 12- All I want For Christmas is A Real Good Tan -  Kenny Chestney


Darn hick holidays, and sure of it,

adot

So so small

I know, I know, this is the 2nd song in a row, but I dont actually have much time to blog throughout exams. So here it is: Carrie Underwood, So Small. I have to remember this right now-for everything that is happening

What you got if you ain't got love?
The kind that you just wanna give away
It's okay to open up
Go ahead and let the light shine through

I know it's hard on a rainy day
You wanna shut the world out
And just be left alone
But don't run out on your faith

'Cause sometimes that mountain you've been climbing
Is just a grain of sand
And what you've been out there searching for forever
Is in your hands

And when you figure out
Love is all that matters after all
It sure makes everything else
Seem so small

It's so easy to get lost inside
A problem that seems so big at the time
It's like a river that's so wide
It swallows you whole

While you're sitting around thinking 'bout what you can't change
And worrying about all the wrong things
Time's flying by, moving so fast
You better make it count 'cause you can't get it back

Sometimes that mountain you've been climbing
Is just a grain of sand
And what you've been out there searching for forever
Is in your hands

Oh, and when you figure out
Love is all that matters after all
It sure makes everything else
Seem so small!

Sometimes that mountain you've been climbing
Is just a grain of sand
And what you've been out there searching for forever
Is in your hands

And then you figure out
Love is all that matters after all
It sure makes everything else
Oh, it sure makes everything else
Seem so small

Darn good and sure of it,

adot

Saturday, 10 December 2011

I'm Goin' Back...

I'm getting out of this high-rise penthouse suite
Where we pretend life's rosy and sweet
I'm going back to the folks that I used to know
Where everyone is what they seems to be

And these high-class friends that you like to hang around
When they look my way they're always looking down
I'm tired of spending every dime I make
To finance this way of life I've learned to hate

I'm going back to a better class of loser
This up-town living's really got me down
I need friends who don't pay their bills on home computers
And who buy their coffee beans already ground
You think it's disgraceful that they drink three-dollar wine
But a better class of loser suits me fine

You say the grass is greener on the other side
From where I stand I can't see grass at all
And the concrete and the steel won't change the way you feel
It takes more than caviar to have a ball

I'm going back to a better class of loser
This up-town living's really got me down
I need friends who don't pay their bills on home computers
And who buy their coffee beans already ground
You think it's disgraceful that they drink three-dollar wine
But a better class of loser suits me fine

You think it's disgraceful that they drink three-dollar wine
But a better class of loser suits me fine
~Randy Travis, A Better Class Of Loser


12 days <3
Im still love being super frugal/jewish in school (as I should be doing), but I cant wait to get home !! No more of this one-meal-a-day exam diet and time for moma to make me a grand meal <3 Thank you mommy for cooking dinner for me when you do.

Darn good and sure of it,

adot

Friday, 9 December 2011

Oh, how to be asian now...

Today the garbages and desk tops were littered with Timmies cups and energy drinks. A solid indication that it is exam time. Apparently, the people who must clean up all this mess can not take a hint. The library closed at 9pm tonight, and the security guard kicked me out! Are they trying to promote people to go out to party on Friday night?? I have a final exam tomorrow so I have a message for all libraries:

If I would like to spend my Friday night in lock down move in the library, it means all I am drinking is coffee and red bull, forget this Jagger and red bull. It means I have a damn final tomorrow, and my house is study-resistant. It means that I have not eaten since 11am as my brunch being granola and almond milk in a little bowl. I promise I will not bring in any food, especially since the chick behind me just puked all over everything and I am scarred from both eating, and doing so in the library. Yeahh Im really gonna sneak my friends in here to distract me from the reason I have been here since after my last final. Please do cuff me, cuff me to this desk so I can resist extra long walks back from a washroom break. I know I should probably shower, but being kicked out of the library into wet-snowfall is not a real shower, hellooo. Do you really wanna ban me from the library?? Im your biggest customer, and IM PAYING A HELLA LOTA MONEY FOR MY TUITON the least you could do would be earn it...


Darn studied-out and sure of it,

adot

Tuesday, 6 December 2011

I cant deal with your buddy, you cant deal with my buddy...

I am not one for drama, or attention, or hurt feelings. Unfortuntely, I have stirred all of these things up with some of my roommates. As the semester draws to a close, stress is running high. The varying work loads and difficulties of our program and our study habits are all being tested. It has run from our paper tests that we have to write, into our everyday lives, causing drama in our house.

I feel like I am running away from all of this when I say I have decided to move out next year. I feel like I have failed on my word and I have failed the odds against us when I said we would make it through in one piece. I wanted to prove everyone wrong- not end up a statistic.

I canot afford to live alone, however with the city I am living in, that is not really even an option. For that reason, when my roommate of last year, Jillian, decided it to bee too much living with the girls we live with now, I offered to move out with her. After much contemplation, we decided to include another girl, Nicole,  from the house who we both thought to work out as a three-some in a townhouse in the complexes we live in now. I was really concerened as Krystina was thinking of moving back home as she has placement 2 days of the week, leaving to Amelia have no one to live with (Krista may not becoming back and if she does, she basically lives at her boyfriend's).

I just talked with Krystina and because I am sorta the link between these 2 sets of 2 girls, she said, when I told her, that it felt as if I had a really big choice to make, and in the end, I chose the other girls over her.    :'( I didnt mean to !! But im so glad she understands, and after she made me feel horrible for my decision, Im glad she made me feel better about it. <3

However, since our townhouse tawwwk (talk but I canged the spelling to include awkward) two nights ago, I still have not really talked to Amelia because of our minor differences, (which I have blown up to be gigantic) so I think that she still feels the same way as Krystina  but, I know, Im such a bad person for not re-initiating conversation...

GAWWW I hate being pulled in so many directions. I hate people telling me their problems with the other girls in the house. I hate having to choose 'sides' as if I am in elementry or highschool school again. This is driving me crazy! I wish I could type faster and make more sense of this situation on this stupid computer! (Im sorry this is more of a rant, than a blog, haha).

Oh, a really weird thing happened to me last night when I was trying to fall asleep. Usually I am kept awake by my train of thoughts, and last night, I had a lot to think about with the living situation of next year. I stopped thinking for a second, and I heard the song, "You're Gonna Miss This", by Trace Atkins. It scared me because I was in the middle of singing it to myself as I was thinking about moving out. Hmmm I hope I am making the right decision....

Darn gonna miss this and sure of it,

adot

Friday, 2 December 2011

Happy Birthday Amy !!!


Excessive Drinking.

I just had to do the worst thing to my friend I have ever had to do; I called the ambulance for her excessive drinking. Krystina was puking and moaning, but then she would go out of consciousness and at the same time, she would stop breathing. I had to keep smacking her to get her to start breathing again. It was terrifying, and it was because she/our friends didnt know her limit.

We have the rule 'no parties' in our house as we dont want excessive amounts of people destroying our house. There were various other people at our place tonight for 'pre-drinks', and they were forcing my friend to take too many shots. They were taking our alcohol that we left on the counter and offering it to other people.

I tried everything to make Amelia's night better, but in the end, she ended up ruining her night, as well as mine. I know she will not think of this in the morning as she never does, so I have to talk to Krystina about everything in the morning.


Darn _________ and sure of it,

adot

Thursday, 1 December 2011

House Introduction/ Did you have mommy issues....

Since leaving my parents wonderful nest, I have learned many things by living with 6 other girls and I have taken my knowledge my parents enstilled in me, and am loving all my experiences.

Unfortunately, some of the girls I live with were not brought up knowing how to provide for themselves. I consider these kids 'spoiled'. To have everything hnded to you and have a super easy live when you are younger leave no time to figure out who you are, and how to make mistakes, and grow from them. On the contrary to being 'lucky' to have a free ride through University, many kids over-look this thus making them more 'unlucky'. These poor people are going to crash and burn when they are no longer under the chequebook of mommy and/or daddy.

One of my friends I live with is one of these 'unlucky', 'spoiled' individuals making it difficult to live with. Acting as both 'the father' (I am sort of handy having learned from the greatest-my father) and also 'the mother' (as i am an obsessive cleaner and caretaker as my mother) to girls I never dreamed of having to teach life skills to.

I should explain my living situations and it would make it 10000x easier to understand:

Amelia- comes from a dairy farm family, 'loves love', has everything possibly imaginable, has a birthmark covering her beautiful face making her super self conscious, very VERY sensitive
Krystina- suuuper loud and funny and understanding and bitchy and everything all at once, only child and lived solely with her mother all her life, in the nursing program which is the perfect career choice
Jillian- most amazing, oblivious person I have ever met, roomed with her since second semester of first year university, we love tea together, has a glycogen storage disease (she cant eat sugar), wealthy family (everything paid for) but her personality is far from being rich, holds everything inside until it gets too much and then explodes (like me lol)
Nicole- my small town girl, in Med Lab program with me, most considerate person I know, mother moved to NWT and father is a farm-hand basically, pays her way getting a tonne of OSAP, gets ahead of herself a lot, drives me crazy sometimes with her crazy loudness singing/talking/stories
Krista- basically lives at her boyfriends, her and Ca have been roomates since 1st year (in 3rd now), super independant, parents pay for everything, I dont even know very much about her :s

I have many 'projects' going on silently with/for/about the girls. For example, I have been trying to get Nicole. to calm down a bit and help her to stay on a regular eating schedule since she is always 'so busy' Recently, I have introduced the 'C.C. Project' in which I had to bring on some help from 2 other girls- both for my sanity and for help for success in this long haul of a project. We are attempting to condition Amelia to other methods of doing stuff. She is very sensitive so I thought this was necessary before we discuss 'her faults' (lack of better word) in person, which of course would be ideal, but she shuts down and wont listen. In my plan, I attempt to help her realize there are other, even more productive, ways to do things. Perhaps, the 'conditioning' isnt for her, but rather myself, to try and develop ways to talk to her and tell her things without her geting offended and angry with me for no reason. I want her to have an open-mind, and I guess I need to make mine more patient and the goal for the end- an overall better relationship.

I sort of resent individules that cannot raise children into adults, for that is what parenting is all about. You shape the tiny people into members of the future society. I feel bad for the children who are not taught how to manage for themselves in basic cooking, cleaning, social interactions, hygeine, etc.

I understand I might sound harsh/biased, and I guess I am. My house was not always stable, and I was given enough freedom, responsibility and love in order to learn for myself. I have 2 loving parents, 2 loving siblings (most of the time :p), 2 loving sets of grandparents and endless other people in my live who I am greatful for making me who I am today. I sound really bad when I say everyone should be like that, but to a degree you must fit into society.

I can only hope, now, that I can try and help little Amelia along with the skills I have developed/been enstilled with- it is so much harder being a peer and not a parent- and I know it is not my job, but I have to do something, or this crazy child is going to drive me away from the rest of my house.


Darn good and sure of it,

adot

Tuesday, 29 November 2011

Country Rant

I have a pet peeve. It is newly discovered due to my new circumstances of not having a car because of shared parking passes. My pet peeve is when someone doesnt offer to drive me when it is pouring rain to get my phone fixed. I dont expect some random person to drive me, but if we are roommates and are sharing  limited number of parking passes, AND you hve nothing to do but watch movies all day, I would like some love. I didnt need to go that far, but by bus, it took me over an hour with all the transfers.

I hate stupid, ignorant, rude people officially. I attribute these three words to 'city people'. I know not all city people are stupid, ignorant and/or rude, but in general,  they are not the people of my small hometown. The girl I was talking about above lives on a farm and claims to be 'country to the bone' however, I see city written all over her. There is 100% a difference between listening to country music, and putting their words into actions. Country music is becoming increasingly popular these days, but unfortunately it isnt real country. Artists put a little twang in their voice and add a banjo or fiddle into any song and call it country. I still remember when I was little what values I got from what song. Sure, you gotta love that twang and the fiddle, but the words are what makes the song. In order to be country to the bone, you gotta love country in its rawest form. Just because you live on a farm doesnt mean you must listen to country music, and just because you dont live on a farm doesnt mean you cant listen to it. She just got 'into' country about 3 years ago. There is still a lot to learn about what is being told in the majority of these songs.

I understand I am being a little biased right now about country fans being the nicest, but they are usually the hickest, most greatest people you will ever meet. It makes me disappointed that my roommate, whom we have been friends since last september and grown really close, did not offer me a ride. It sounds like I am asking a lot from country music, but apparently I should give up on the attitudes of city people- so demanding, sensitive, and selfish.

I miss my small country town, where anyone would drop what they are doing to help someone. One of my roommates is from a town similar to mine. She respects country, but prefers the mainstream music. She skipped class to come and get me as soon as she heard I was lost in the bus system.

I guess the only 'country' that is genuine in helping someone in need, would be the people in the crossings of country roads- the people from small towns, where there is nothing around to do except help people. I miss that. I cant wait to get out of this city with a bus system and get back to a small town in which you hitch a ride into town with your neighbour.

Nostalgic.


Darn good and sure of it

adot

Thursday, 24 November 2011

Little Mosque

I am far from a religious person, however, I do respect others' beliefs. I love the show Little Mosque On The Prairie because it incorporates the two most well known religions- islam and christian- in a comedic canadian show. I love this conversation and quote:


"Are you Familiar with the story of the wedding feast at Cana"
"Yes, when Jesus turned water into wine."
"Very good, and who was standing beside Him?"
"Nobody."
"Right, Jesus was assembling a flock. He needed a clear message with no distractions. So do you understand why I can't do this with you?"
"Yes, but Jesus hosted other events. The Last Supper, who was beside him then?"
"Judas."

"We arent quitters, even Christ was crucified and that didnt stop him. Sure, He took a few days off, but then it was right back to businesss."

Thursday, 17 November 2011

Happy Birthday Bro!


So the sotry behind this one...

I live over 2 hours away from my family and until a little while ago, they really missed the handiness of me being there as a third driver for earinds and stuff. My brother just got his licence (G2) in the summer and finally got some money to pay my parents to be put under their insurance so he can drive. He decided to go to EB Games and trade in a few of his video games. You have to be 18 to do this, but he didnt know that, so he went anyways. The lady asked if she could see his ID and he gve it to her. Upon examination, she said to him, "sorry, you have to be 18 to trade in your games. Come back in November?"  Hello, lady...he is turning 17 in November, not 18.

Therefore, my message to all gamers in the world: Wow. Just. Wow.

When I came home for a visit the following weekend, we went back and I had to trade in the video games for him. All the little teenage boys were staring at me as if they had never saw a girl before in their life.

Therefore, my message to all gamers in the world: I DONT BITE

I dont hate all gamers. Some of my best guy friends are in Game Development, and it is a tough program. I love you guys, I dislike the creepy Game Dev kids who make me into a video game.

Therefore, my message to all gamers in the world: Dont have secret crushes and make video games with them as a character so you can 'play with them' or there will be a rebellion. That's all.


Darn good and sure of it,

adot

Saturday, 12 November 2011

Happy Birthday Cett!


Moments of Weakness

I have been so stressed about everything lately, but I really dont know what I would do if I dropped out of my program. It is so small, we are like family, and not to mention I would have to move out of living with the most amazing people ever. I feel like I have so much family out here. For tht reason, I cant give this up. I cant give up the fight. I cant be a quitter. I have to push through this thing called doubt and come out a star.

I love Med Lab, and I'm sorry I ever doubted you. I dont know what I would ever do without you- you are the best thing that ever happened to me. <3

^cheesy?? I think so.  But no more changing my mind.

Darn good nd sure of it,

adot

Monday, 7 November 2011

Weather Nazi

Can I first just say that it is November and we still haven't gotten a darn snowfall in Southeastern Ontario?? Like, seriously Mother Nature?!?! In fact, people were wearing shorts today!! Ignorant people in Texas think that, in Canada, we live in igloos...we are sooo not living up to our expecations right now.

I. WANT. MY. WINTER.

Darn warm and sure of it,

adot

Saturday, 5 November 2011

And I'm Out.

There comes a point in your studying and work career, that one breaks, and there is nothing left to do but take a break. Midterms, assignments and money have jointly pushed me over the inevitable edge to failure. With the drop of one class coming Wednesday, comes the drop of my program and my University at the end of the semester. I am very upset to become a statistic of dropping out, and I am not proud to be posting about this, however, I feel like people should know; not all University/school drop outs are lazy or druggies or stupid. Sometimes, it is the pressure of handling all of the things that push their brains too far. University is for the strong, smart brains not the easy-going, fun-loving, hardworking individuals whose brains are easily filled with external thoughts. I did not succeed. I could not succeed. Do I wish I was stronger? Yes, way back in the beginning to say 'no' university just isnt for me.

Darn out and sure of it,

adot

Humph.

There are 123 items on my to-do list. All these things I 'want' to do and yet never feel like doing.
Most of my life spent finding any excuse to not complete some task that I am more than capable of. I work best under pressure. Nothing seems iminent, or that important. It's a game of let's see how long I can put this off and not face any consequences. I need pressure- sense of impending doom- to just get off my ass. You want to really see what i'm capable of? Tell me I cant do something, otherwise im bored, done it all before.

Thursday, 3 November 2011

The never-ending cycle

What I hate most is my own lack of achievement. I know what my abilities are and I know when I am living up to them. I haven’t been for a while now and it’s so frustrating. I think this is really the only regret that I find myself with over and over again. I struggle with a lack of motivation and with allowing myself to become too busy to actually be who I know I can be. I have all of these ideas and dreams yet I wake up and find myself simply getting through each day. I’m becoming lost in these days and weeks that are all the same.
I need something to break me out of this cycle. I need to do it myself, yet I don’t because I know what that means. It means discomfort and change. It means struggle and hard work. It means doing the right thing to stay true to who I am and not always taking the easy path. But the rewards are worth it. I need to remind myself of this.

Darn good and sure of it,

adot

'Climax' of Anal

Prof: Recall all good stories when you were little, what did they all have in common?
Student: Violence!!!
Prof: Uhm, not what I was looking for, you must be in forensics?
Student: Yes, sir.
Prof: You should think about forensic accounting. You might do better in my class.

Me: AHHHH BURNN!!

Darn good and sure of it,

adot

Monday, 31 October 2011

Gaww

My program is a bitch. That's really all there is to it. If I have a social life (which I must, living with 6 girls all whom I love, no homo), I fail. If I become a hermit, there is a slight chance of success. Ideally, I wouldn't have to go to school to do what I love, but Medical Laboratory Technology is for nerds.

Right now I am procrastinating doing 2 projects and studying for 2 midterms and practicing for my practical exam this afternoon. Gaww. With so many things pulling you in opposite directions, it is really hard to stay true to who you are. I love my family and friends and I dont want to lose them in my work. I know a lot of people who have lost their social life and can never go home because there is just too much work to be done that they have no time for visits.

The varying dificulties in University programs really sucks. All my roommates party all the time and complain to me about boys and that they have a midterm next week that they arent ready for. My head thinks: wtf I have had 2 midterms this week and didnt sleep last night worrying about my dad-the only man I can possibly make room for in my life right now. I must stay strong for my roommates though. Girls are dumb and need constant reassuring. I guess I do too, but I cant get it from them, because I don't feel like I have time to.

I never considered myself a jealous type of person, but living with a houseful of carefee students and me struggleing with school/money/friends/family makes me jealous, I guess. Coming from a happy small town, my whole family was ignorant about University and what comes with it. My parents not being able to help me financially, has just made me more proud of them for raising me to be someone who can support herself. I thank them for not paying for me, because I feel like I have more thn my 'spoilled' counterparts.

The parents of my bestest fwiend in my house seriously offered to pay my utility bills (her grandmother won the lottary), but I couldnt accept. I cant even tell my parents that happened, because I know that would break their hearts for someone to offer. They would definitely feel like her parents think they are bad parents. I love my parents, and I would never want them to feel like that.

That being said, I value money like crazy. $45/ month for groceries is sufficing, if I only get the necessities. It also means that if I happen to fail out, (I really am trying not to), all my precious money went to waste. No degree, and a competition to get a job flipping burgers or cleaning toilets. I dont want that life. I want so bad to be a Lab Technologist in a remote area in northern Canada. My grandmother used to always tell me, "Pressure makes diamonds". I dont want diamonds, I want a break.

I just want to know how this all turns out. I want to know if I can succeed. I want someone to tell me I can do it.

Darn stressed and sure of it,

adot

Friday, 28 October 2011

Support from my husband...

video
Alan Jackson- Hard Hat and a Hammer


Darn good and sure of it,

adot

uhm, you missed my jugular

Being smart is sometimes fun. Working in order to be smart is not fun. Therefore, I’m all for dropping out and being in the race for ‘least dumb’.
This is the time for me to confess my love for carpentry, I guess. After mental breakdown number uncountable-and-one, I ventured back to el-hickfil and helped popa bear put up the siding on his toy box. Now, children, this thing is giant and not to be messed with. As a giant cement slab, it was once used as our ice rink in the winter. Its makeover has taken many months and boxes and boxes of monopoly money but soo worth it-she’s a beaut. Anyways, we were just nailing along and moma-the-meatloaf came out and announced her departure to get her claws trimmed and I thought the lioness on my head needed some grooming as well.
In my work boots and dirty old plaid shirt we left our small town and into the big city lights where there are more people, none of which rep-ing the dirtness. Sadface. Moma-the-meatloaf dropped me off at the haircutters’ restaurant (apparently I don’t get out much and don’t know the correct terminology…the salon) and I awaited my one-on-one scissor time with a stranger's scissors very close to my jugular…

Procrastination time is up, peeps. Next time: Hairstylists small talk 101

Darn good and sure of it,

adot
Leeuwenhoek had stolen and peeped into the fantastic sub-visible world of little things, creatures that had lived, had bred, had battled, had died, completely hidden from and unknown to all men from the beginning of time. Beasts these were of a kind that ravaged and annihilated whole races of men ten million times larger than they were themselves. Beings these were, more terrible than fire-spitting dragons or hydra-headed monsters. They were silent assassins that murdered babies in warm cradles and kings in sheltered places. It was this invisible, insignificant, but implacable-and sometimes friendly- world Leeuwenhoek had looked into for the first time of all men of all countries.
-Micro.but.all.hates.yee textbook

mmm my love of viruses

Excuse me, lets just just pause for a moment and appreciate the flu vaccine.

what? its anal



Okay so normally, I give people their privacy and look past their procrastinations on their computer screens on those times I have to book it to class and have to sit at the back. Today, as my eyes were drifting from the anal happening in front of me (anal=anal chemisgay=analytical chemistry), my eyes were drawn to a young man researching Hitler. A part of me wondered if I should run, the other part of me wants to ask him to marry me.
I have denoted that this is because there is more ‘knocking up’ than there are ‘falling downs’. Why must we have high suicide rate to get a break. Right now, I support communism- equal rights all around, and I want a slack week. The guy sitting in front of me might have something going for him. Perhaps it will not be a suicide that gets us a reading week, but a mass genocide. I’m by no means supporting ‘go commit suicide so I can have reading week’ or ‘let’s go mass murder a group of people so I can have a reading week’ but rather suggesting to look it up;)
To all my bruthas out there super stressed, I hope this can cheer you up for a while. Bring it home and impress your family and friends on Christmas- the next time you head on home since we are lacking a reading week:

“Life can be a bitch sometimes, but if it were easy, it would be called a slut.”

Darn good and sure of it,

adot

pre-op

Whaaat?!? She’s blogging?!? It was your cousin’s idea.

Darn good and sure of it,

adot