Leeuwenhoek had stolen and peeped into the fantastic sub-visible world of little things, creatures that had lived, had bred, had battled, had died, completely hidden from and unknown to all men from the beginning of time. Beasts these were of a kind that ravaged and annihilated whole races of men ten million times larger than they were themselves. Beings these were, more terrible than fire-spitting dragons or hydra-headed monsters. They were silent assassins that murdered babies in warm cradles and kings in sheltered places. It was this invisible, insignificant, but implacable-and sometimes friendly- world Leeuwenhoek had looked into for the first time of all men of all countries. ~Microbe Hunters

Monday, 31 October 2011

Gaww

My program is a bitch. That's really all there is to it. If I have a social life (which I must, living with 6 girls all whom I love, no homo), I fail. If I become a hermit, there is a slight chance of success. Ideally, I wouldn't have to go to school to do what I love, but Medical Laboratory Technology is for nerds.

Right now I am procrastinating doing 2 projects and studying for 2 midterms and practicing for my practical exam this afternoon. Gaww. With so many things pulling you in opposite directions, it is really hard to stay true to who you are. I love my family and friends and I dont want to lose them in my work. I know a lot of people who have lost their social life and can never go home because there is just too much work to be done that they have no time for visits.

The varying dificulties in University programs really sucks. All my roommates party all the time and complain to me about boys and that they have a midterm next week that they arent ready for. My head thinks: wtf I have had 2 midterms this week and didnt sleep last night worrying about my dad-the only man I can possibly make room for in my life right now. I must stay strong for my roommates though. Girls are dumb and need constant reassuring. I guess I do too, but I cant get it from them, because I don't feel like I have time to.

I never considered myself a jealous type of person, but living with a houseful of carefee students and me struggleing with school/money/friends/family makes me jealous, I guess. Coming from a happy small town, my whole family was ignorant about University and what comes with it. My parents not being able to help me financially, has just made me more proud of them for raising me to be someone who can support herself. I thank them for not paying for me, because I feel like I have more thn my 'spoilled' counterparts.

The parents of my bestest fwiend in my house seriously offered to pay my utility bills (her grandmother won the lottary), but I couldnt accept. I cant even tell my parents that happened, because I know that would break their hearts for someone to offer. They would definitely feel like her parents think they are bad parents. I love my parents, and I would never want them to feel like that.

That being said, I value money like crazy. $45/ month for groceries is sufficing, if I only get the necessities. It also means that if I happen to fail out, (I really am trying not to), all my precious money went to waste. No degree, and a competition to get a job flipping burgers or cleaning toilets. I dont want that life. I want so bad to be a Lab Technologist in a remote area in northern Canada. My grandmother used to always tell me, "Pressure makes diamonds". I dont want diamonds, I want a break.

I just want to know how this all turns out. I want to know if I can succeed. I want someone to tell me I can do it.

Darn stressed and sure of it,

adot

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