Leeuwenhoek had stolen and peeped into the fantastic sub-visible world of little things, creatures that had lived, had bred, had battled, had died, completely hidden from and unknown to all men from the beginning of time. Beasts these were of a kind that ravaged and annihilated whole races of men ten million times larger than they were themselves. Beings these were, more terrible than fire-spitting dragons or hydra-headed monsters. They were silent assassins that murdered babies in warm cradles and kings in sheltered places. It was this invisible, insignificant, but implacable-and sometimes friendly- world Leeuwenhoek had looked into for the first time of all men of all countries. ~Microbe Hunters

Friday, 4 January 2013

The GREAT Canadian Winter

Heating your house in the winter is so expensive, but my uncle had this good system set up. When their wood stove broke, they decided to do the real redneck Canadian winter version of saving money on heat. He made a controlled fire in the basement, then made a few holes in the floor for the heat to travel up to the main floor in each of the kids’ bedrooms. They all died of carbon monoxide poisoning, but damn did he show that Canadian winter!!

(Just kidding, this only lasted an hour until he installed a new wood stove. He left the holes in the floor though).

Honestly, people get compensation for having certain conditions, like needing a wheel chair or being fat and needing a wheelchair. I don’t know why the government hasn’t included winter weather conditions under the terms to get compensation. It only makes sense. In a far stretch you could be saying to the snowbirds (oldies who travel down south for a few months in the winter), “Come stay in Canada. You can crank your heat up and the government will compensate you as long as you buy your groceries in Canada to support our economy”. After all, it is the fat people with diabetes going down to Florida to be with more diabetic people and their government-compensated wheelchairs. May as well keep it in the country, right? Wrong.

We need to get all these foreigners out of our country. I am not being racist or discriminative when I say that, because immigration is what is growing this country. We need to stop growing this country because all the ‘hot air’ that comes with those people, specifically the politicians, is melting the ice caps. You know when you breathe out on a cold day and you can see your warm breath? Stop that! It is causing global warming and Canadian winters to be erratic and costly.

I’m totally kidding about that, meaning I have no scientific knowledge to back my opinion.

Anyways, any good Canadian wouldn’t complain about the weather. They would go, put on another pair of socks, find their toque, and curl up in their warm, 10-layered bed for the night and before we know it, it is July. Snowing in July. And we are happy because any good Canadian loves the cold snow.  I am a good Canadian and I love the cold snow.


Darn good and sure of it,


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